Posted by tonch at 7:00 pm | 0 comments

Bit of a tosser. Looks like he smells bad - seriously, look at this above picture and tell me a phantom-smell of Hugo BosE and ashtray doesn't appear in your nostrils. Though his dog rocks.

They were hyping her as some giant racist, but she showed the most personality last night. She was so sweet with the midget girl and made jokes about Kyle. That's alright in my book (released August)... at least until she starts talking about "ethnic cleansing" or something. That's not cool.

If I could have any elective surgery it would be... laser eye surgery, it sounds cool because it involves lasers.

Dixie (the girl who ticks the "aboriginal or torres strait islander" box on government forms)

FINALLY, an Asian contestant. We should be representing Australia more like this. I missed his entrance too so I can't say anything.

I'd describe my sense of fashion as... General Pants Co. Mannequin.

Rebecca (the confused bar-maid)

She seemed lost on stage, and I can't remember much about her. She skills include serving beer in lingerie and doing the grapevine. She's a typical BB contestanct season 1-7 and hope she leaves first... and I hope she cries because of it *death stare*

If I were a kind of chocolate, I'd be... beige-filled.

Renee (The Rugby Sheila)I don't hate her. She looks like she'll get angry and start swiping with jagged teeth and crooked nails. One to watch! Will she be the next Reggie or the next Sharna?

My fave Hungarian philosopher is... Lakatos.

Rima (Midget)This is what Big Brother is supposed to be all about. People with medical abberations being forced to live with each other in close quaters. Though she seems a lot more appealing and switched-on than Rory, so what's his excuse? I'm looking forward to seeing how everyone will react with her, their faces and "wow"s when she walked in forecast choppy weather ahead. Plus how will they fit her in to Friday Night Live?

When I grow up I want to be... exactly the same size.

Alice (Human Thermometer)

Ben (The Law Student) I feel mixed about this one. He seemed a bit awkward, but he's very much a "TV-safe nerd" like Seth from the O.C., I want a total nerd, like one of those Koreans who plays World of Warcraft until they die of starvation. He's just average but let's hope for tears before bedtime.

When I want to impress... I wear suspenders and a necklace.

Bianca (The Busty Wench)

I missed her entrance, but I think everyone did due to being distracted by her imbalancements. They're just not sexy, Bianca, I just hope you don't sink in the pool. But i'm being too superficial, she also wears glasses so I guess everything fits together.

In case of a collision... my chest can be used as a safety device.

Brigitte (the one whom all the little girls will vote out as soon as they get the chance)She's pretty and ditzy, and this photo doesn't suggest she'll be solving that severe problem of continental drift anytime soon. Will she break season 3 Jo's eviction record?

My nail-polish may say 'toxic'... but it's just so damn tasty.

David (Cult Member Fireman) His face and expressions are a bit culty but I think that gimmick will tire very quickly. I just hope he has some bizarre habits to keep us tuned in.

I'm gonna sit at the welcome table, I'm gonna sit at the welcome table, I'm gonna sit at the welcome table... one of these days.

Overall, Kyle and Jackie O were surprisingly not irritating and I enjoy that they have to eat one of their own before daybreak of Battle Royale ensues. Oh wait... only half of that is true, but it's still interesting.

But only some of you care what I think, what do you think? Is Terri awful or great? Is Ben anything special? Rami - midget? David worth talking about? What do you think so far? Add a comment...

Labels: alice, bb, ben, bianca, big brother, big brother 2008, big brother australia, brigitte, david, dixie, nobbi, rebecca, renee, rima, rory, saxon, sydney spy, sydneyspy, terri, travis

Posted by tonch at 10:05 pm | 4 comments

---

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Video of the Week: 10/4

Australian video of the week:

"Bec Cartwright - Matter of Time"

Sick of filming in wild international destinations, Bec resorts to having her whole video set in Sydney Kingsford Smith Airport. WARNING: Gratuitous escalator humping ahead!



But why not? It's well lit and there's all the variety of the escalators, seats outside Gate 23 and the viewing deck.

Watch out for
2:29 - people running from the music.
2:56 - artistic shot while Bec takes five.

I'm still waiting for the uncut version in which the security guard shouts at Beckers to stop playing sillybuggers on the escalators.

Multicultural video of the week:

"Jacques Brel - Ne Me Quitte Pas" (Don't Leave Me)

Proof that French is the most beautiful language in the world. Legendary Belgian singer, Jacques Brel, gives the sweatiest performance I've ever seen for someone standing still. Can you make it to the end of this festival of contorted faces and pained expressions?



The lyrics are the impossibly romantic, things like "let me become the shadow of your shadow, the shadow of your hand, the shadow of your dog". Girls, are you seduced yet?

Shouldn't more videos be filmed in such community places as airports, parks and soup kitchens? Why is Jacques sweating so much!?? Add a comment..

Labels: bec cartwright, jacques brel, sexual music videos, sydney, sydneyspy

Posted by tonch at 2:23 pm | 2 comments

---

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Sydney Train Scrums

4:00pm - Wynyard Station. The 3:42pm Western Line train rolls in with a clang and an exasperated "finally". Dressed in formal attire, branching notebooks, discussing business mergers on mobiles - the multicultural rainbow of Sydney approaches the doors.

Then FIGHT - the jousting begins. Everyone getting off the train must scrum against everyone getting on. The number players on each side depends randomly on 1) the amount of people inside the carriage and 2) the position of the doors whether it's a 6 car train or an 8 car train. The unfortunate example below, we see 31 vs. 1.

Unfortunately, he loses and he must return to the train, hold a caucus in the carriage and summon up enough morale so his team defeats the next station.

At least, this must be an explanation for why we form human walls in front of train doors. We must assume we become impermeable entities that can be walked though when the Tangara separates its mandibles. I recommend that Cityrail installs bouncers and a velvet rope in front of each door. The rebellious will be tazed.

Do you enjoy Sydney train scrumming? Are you a perpetrator or a victim? Add a comment...

Labels: australia, cityrail, satire, sydney, sydney spy, sydney trains, sydneyspy, train scrums

Posted by tonch at 12:32 pm | 7 comments

---

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Video of the Week: 25/3

Australian video of the week:

"21 Accents"

This American woman, Amy Walker, does impressions of a bunch of English accents from all over the world. I am impressed with her Sydney accent at 1:12! Though her "outback" accent at 1:25 is a bit cringe-worthy.



It's a good thing she didn't attempt a Tasmanian accent or she would have had to lose a finger and violate YouTube regulations.

Multicultural video of the week:

"The Romanian National Anthem - Deşteaptă-te, Române! "

Maybe the coolest and angriest national anthem in the world. Adopted very late in 1991, the 80s synths are well present, making the song easily mistakable for a Eurovision entry. The Romanian people is this video vary from seethingly bitter to uber excited to bored witless... all in the same row.



Highlights:

- Look closely at the beginning for the UNHAPPIEST woman ever to be in a red plastic cowboy hat.

- 0:49 - the woman could suck her nose clean.

- 2:59 - the man in the striped suit wins.

How does the Romanian anthem compare to ours? What do you think of Amy Walker?

Labels: amy walker, australian accent, romanian national anthem, sydney, sydney accent, sydney spy, sydneyspy

Posted by tonch at 5:09 pm | 5 comments

---

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Sydney This Week In Pictures

Eastern-er Avenue

First of all, words play hide and seek with me when I try to express how happy I am with the new uber massive Eastern Avenue in Sydney University. When you see all the people there between classes, it's hard to believe they all frottaged together on that small path a third of the size.

I'm glad they're making over the university... but can't they instead make it worse so we don't have to feel sad about graduating?

Ticket Inspectors & Train Police

They're everywhere right now! It's not like they hide their identity like the ones from other countries do. So on this train, I heard the pharaonic clomping of someone descendng the stairs. She notice the guards on the other side (below), she paused and ran off the train.

I'm sure it was just an ex-boyfriend or life-coach or something.

Outside Hairdresser

Spotted in Bondi. Why not? It's like a solarium/hairdresser. Her overheads must be expensive, if she has to rent the entire outside world.


She also does Brazilan waxing - spectator fees vary depending on weather conditions. I just hope a bird does fly in and cause genital Lyme disease.

Fan of the new Eastern Avenue? Escaped some inspectors? Considering an investment in outdoor hair removal? Add a comment...

Labels: sydney, sydney spy, sydney trains, sydney university, sydneyspy, usyd

Posted by tonch at 9:22 pm | 3 comments

---

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Sydney Spy Scooped





Hi readers and tumbleweed, I was in beautiful Budapest for the last 3 months working at a magazine there. But now I'm back and more in love with my city than ever!

Exciting news: I got a book published! It's a children's book called Cindy Ella that will be released in August 2008. Here's proof: click here. You'll see they kindly did not write in my death date, nor did they make predictions. I appreciate that. I plan to be active again here because I missed Sydney Spy! Any comment or hit I got when I was starting this blog really encouraged me to keep writing so I thank you all!

Add a comment...

Labels: cindy ella, sydney spy, sydneyspy

Posted by tonch at 4:31 pm | 6 comments

---

Friday, August 31, 2007

Crimewatch: Wynyard

Let's admit it, Sydney is boring. In Paris, a drug dealer was shot and killed around the corner from me, I was almost rolled on the metro by a Moroccan and Tina Arena released a song called "Je M'Appelle Baghdad" (My name is Baghdad) LINK

But today in Wynyard there was an attempted mugging. I was gayly skipping out from the station into the park near the buses. I heard some shouting I couldn't understand since I was only at the bottom of those curving stairs. Coming into the sunlight, I see a man in a suit throw his bag down near a woman then bolting after an invisible thief. Going through the park on the path next to York Street, I saw a man in orange who had just been tackled to the ground by another man - what seemed to be a phone - fell to the ground. The man in orange tried to get up but then an older man who had just caught up to him kicked him in the back and he sprawled to the floor again.

The older man picked up the phone and something else that the man in orange had stolen whle the culprit walked away with an awkward stumbling gait. His face was weathered and miserable with longish greasy brown hair tied back and no converse shoes.

So if you see someone wearing something like this around Wynyard, maybe watch your bag and phone a bit. He's clearly not one of those lovely homeless people that says "No worries" when you don't have change.

MEANWHILE, on the other side of the park... this was happening.

I don't judge.

Had any daylight crime in Sydney happen to you? Add a comment....

Labels: crime, mugging, rolled, sydney, sydneyspy, wynyard, wynyard station

Posted by tonch at 10:11 pm | 6 comments

---

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Metrosexuality in Paris


After downing one too many chausse aux pommes and absinthe, you may have the urge to go to Les Toilettes. Here comes the embarrassment:




Which one?!!? At least the wheelchair man has broader options. I must have looked at both options in cartoon double-take style 12 times each before entering. I had never been so happy to see a urinal in my life.

"Riding a metro" can have a completely new meaning if your mind's in the gutter. It's all the more appropriate in Paris where they flock in clusters tighter than their belly shirts. These French ones have found a way to reproduce to form a more mutated, more sexually ambiguous strain with skinny jeans so restraining, their bamboo pins suggest a third gender.

The city of Paris accomodates for them as well. If you walk into a shop like Sephora, you'll see make-up for men. Not just a small shelf in the corner situated next to hair-gel for em-browsing-ment, but HALF the shop. Foundation... eye-liner... mascara... all for MEN. My French-Vietnamese friend tells me that the section for men is growing with the years. Await Sephor-o in 2009.

Otherwise, there are some other signs that leave me confused.

Is it just a spot the difference game?

Gay Paris, indeed. Add a comment...

Labels: france, gay, metrosexuality, paris, sydney, sydneyspy, travel

Posted by tonch at 2:52 am | 2 comments

---

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Sexual French Music Videos

France has a reputation for being sexually liberated. This is true some of the time, especially in music videos which i've separated into three categories.

The sexual without being slutty...

Elodie Frege - La Ceinture [LA SUN-TURE] "The Belt"

It's just her face in black and white with a man's hand groping her face - then going lower. It's still sexy somehow. It's fortunate his digits didn't ambulate into any unsuspecting holes... for all we know.



Lyrics: Le temps de cerises est mort, le diable est dans le corps.
... rien ne dur au dessus de la ceinture.

Translation: Cherry season is dead, the devil is in my body.
... nothing rough below the belt.

The blatantly suggestive...

France Gall - Les Sucettes [LAY SUE-SET] "Lollipops"

Yay, innocence of the 60s. If big floppy phallic dancers don't incur vibrant sexual images within you, you may need to wait a few years... or abandon christianity.



Lyrics: "Lorsque le sucre d'orge, parfumé à l'anis
coule dans la gorge de l'Annie, elle est au paradis"

Translation: "When the barley sugar, scented with licorice,
runs down Annie's throat, she's in paradise"

Gratuitous nudity!!

Mylene Farmer - L'amour N'est Rien [LA MORE NAY REE-UNN] [Love Is Nothing]

See a 45 year old woman undress for you! That's all. No plot. No background. She sings about ephemeral delights in Tori Amos-style gibberish.



French: "J'ai dans la tete des tonnes de pirouettes"
Translation: "I have a tonne of pirouettes in my head"

So, is cherry season dead? Which is the sexiest? Add a comment...

Labels: france, mylene farmer, sexual music videos, sexy french videos, sucettes, suggestive, sydney, sydneyspy

Posted by tonch at 9:34 pm | 7 comments

---

Saturday, May 05, 2007

The French Elections

Put down your sandwich poulet crudites and meerkat your attention in the Western European direction! It's time to elect a new president of France.

The two finalists are Nicolas Sarkozy (Mr let's-ship-out-the-muslims) and Segolene Royal (Ms free-kittens-for-everyone). They'll decide Sunday in an epic cheese-wheel bowling battle who shall be France's Next Top President.

The polls are tipping that Nicolas Sarkozy (pron. NICK-OH-LAH SARR-KOH-ZEE) will win, but due to his escargot fumigation policies, he's not exactly the most prime chardonnay in the tonneau for everyone.

...or maybe he's just SO popular that he sexually excites people. Nicolas is unpopular because he's not the biggest fan of muslims... though Nicolas is popular because he's not the biggest fan of muslims.

His competitor is a woman. Segolene Royal (pron. SEGG-OH-LENN ROY-AHHL). Please take an obliged minute to judge her appearance.

People like her because she's fair and tolerant... people don't like her because she has no opinions. She looks like a bit like a bird as well.

The parisians I talk to all have some sort of an "aggressive muslim" story to tell, which is why they vote for Sarkozy. They don't think anything will change with Royal in power even though "Madame La Presidente Royal" is an awesome title to have. Her policies are a bit weak and please everyone.

These tales from the "aggressive muslim" vault vary from "Once I was on the train and all the aggressive muslims came on with blood all over their faces" to "My uncle was working as a mechanic when aggressive muslims came in and stole everything". It's just daily life for Parisians. The euros scoff at our epic "Cronulla Riots" even since that kind of thing happens all the time here.

Voting isn't compuslory in France but still over 80% went to the ballots for the last round. So hold your breath to see who the winner shall be Sunday evening... but keep in mind you'll have to hold it in for an extra ~8 hours because of the time difference. But you can still watch the Big Brother eviction at least.

Is Sarkozy racist scum? Do think Segolene Royal is hot? Add a comment...

Labels: australia, france, French elections, les elections presidentielles, opinion etrangere, sarkozy, segolene, sydney, sydneyspy

Posted by tonch at 1:02 pm | 0 comments

---

Friday, April 27, 2007

Sydney Spy Meets Courtney Cox-Arquette
and in a Hungarian forest

European forests are decidedly lovely at least now that it's spring up here. After trekking through one you get the fun of searching your body for venomous ticks who have hitched a ride.


Instead of kangaroos there are wild boars and instead of koalas there are wasps. However it's where all those Aesop's fables originated so you can look for moral lessons about our lives in the talking animals that punctuate the greenery. But the strangest talking animal I met in thos forest was... Courtney Cox-Arquette!

I was simply admiring a tree when I heard her crazy foreign accent (American) shoot into my ear. I flipped around in dramatic shampoo commercial style only to see Courtney Cox-Arquette standing there in all her short and hyphenatedness.

She wasn't very friendly, I tried to take a picture and she just wanted me to go away. I ought to photoshop in some naked japanese underage girls and sell it to New Idea or Gwen Stefani.

So now that makes Guy Sebastian, Jamie from Big Brother and Courtney Cox that i've met while running this blog.

Met Courtney Cox-Arquette in a Hungarian forest yet? Add a comment...

Labels: budapest, courtney cox-arquette, hungarian forest, hungary, sydney, sydneyspy

Posted by tonch at 9:24 am | 5 comments

---