Sydney Spy Classic
Sydney Spy Classic
Sunday, September 09, 2007

Australian Idol - Top 12

What was this assorted bag of amateurs and karaoke we experienced tonight?

Ben McKenzie - "Sunday Morning" (Maroon 5)

Ben started the chain held together by weakest links. It was weak and unimpressive. The judges say he's wonderful, Mark Holden saying he was very comfortable on stage considering he's 16. I agree, that it's an achievement to be able to do this at 16, but I make no allowances... we're at Lisa Mitchell stage now... no time for dead weight.

Mark Da Costa - "Vertigo" (U2)

Mark and his bavarian mullet jumped around on stage like he had pins and needles in his overbelted pants. He is compotent but wrong for idol. I like his big energy on stage. The judges said he needed to be more intense although he was already scuffing up the stage with his sliding and stomping. Maybe the audience had a great time but I felt cold and sad and he didn't even care.

Lana Krost - "Shiver" (Natalie Imbruglia)

As soon as I heard she would do Shiver, I was worried for her. It's the most un-idol song since Morning Musume's Chokkan 2 ~Nogashita Sakana wa Okiizo!~ . Her voice is too pure and her doe-eyed chasteness is better suited for that Phil Collins song about homeless people or that Luka song about child abuse.

Daniel Mifsud - "Cry Me A River" (Justin Timberlake)

I won't even start on his opening montage of how many scarves he owns... I've already sent the PFLAG brochure to his parents. It was a bizarrely spastic arrangement with gaping voids of blank staring while Daniel fixed his hair in the monitor. Though snaps for trying something a bit different. Marcia said "A LITTLE JIMMY T GOES A LONG WAY" *snap* *snap* *snap*

Carl Riseley - "Waltzing Matilda"

The beginning wasn't bad but by the end I'm convinced the "navy" he worked for was actually a "cruise ship". His voice has a bit more resonance than the other so far, but sometimes he sounds incredibly average. Marcia says "I thought 'cool' "

Holly Weiner - "Standing In The Way Of Control" (The Gossip)

Whoa?!!? Holly steps out of the 80s portal which is the flashing Idol screen. She doesn't quite have the rock growl, she doesn't quite have the lesbian edge.. but she has something. I'll need to inspect her further but she was definitely the most striking performance so far. Kyle said she was Patty Newton on crack and Mark Holden broke a hip.

Matt Corby - "Coldplay Song"

It started of alright, but then I realised I was still listening to my MD playing a recording of own voice reciting the poetry of Sylvia Plath. Matt Corby's depth is as thin as Karen Carpenter and he should donate some of his hair to Kyle to cover up that hairline which seems to be receeding rapildy away from his glass eyes. Top 3.

Jacob Butler - "When We Were Young"

First of all, I loved the montage of Jacob going back to Adelaide to see his parents. His mum said "you didn't need to come here!". Good kitten. Jacob Butler slithers on stage, already perspirating failure sweat. Yet surprisingly, he wasn't the huge disappointment we all expected. He was ok yet he still lacks X-factor ever since he came 8th on the 2005 series. Mark Holden loses control of his bladder. Dicko was impressed.

Tarisai Vuche - "If I Was Your Woman" (Alicia Keys)

Tarisai the talented pygmy! She was wonderful, I thought I was watching American Idol for a second.. in which big voices are desired and "country battler" back stories are only a close second. Although I don't know who has suffered more than the Zimbabwe people, though I think Jacob Butler's constant chubby failure answers that question. Surprisingly, the judges were a bit harsh with her. They said she was pitchy and tame etc. while the others get allowances for being nervous or young? Very unfair.

Marty Simpson - "Cant Stand Losing You" (The Police)

I like voice but this was a bit all over the place. Plus when he speaks he has a flaring quality which distorts my TV's sound.

Marcia said "You did OK" which is EXTREMELY cruel for Marcia!

Brianna Carpenter - "God Only Knows" (Beach Boys/David Bowie)

TDK eyes ignite! I know she was off-pitch at times and she's shits me to tears but her asymmetric fringe is enough for me to vote for her. She's different in a creepy Playschool way. She won't win but she's not meant to. The judges told her to watch her pitch.

My favourite: Tarisai Vuche
Most improved: Jacob Butler
Fairest of them all: Daniel Mifsud
Bottom 3: Marty Simpson, Lana Krost & Ben McKenzie
Gone: Marty Simpson

What did you think? Who's going home? Add a comment...

Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , ,



Sunday, September 02, 2007

Mildcards

Usually the wildcard shows are better than this. It's usually a melange of the performers with more of a dynamic who escaped the chubby fingers of the tweens plodding away at their mobiles.

Jack Byrnes - "Long Train Running" (Doobie Brothers)

Why does Jack Byrnes look so old? He's a teenager. It must be that rhumetism which reaches his extremities while performing judging by his dancing. He performs well, inspite of his toddler-learning-to-walk movement. Ultimately, he does lack an oomph and i'm afraid that, with his dramatic aging rate, he'll be dragging in an intravenous drip if he re-auditions next year.

Husny Thalib - "I Believe" (Blessed Union Of Souls)

Husny Thalib, Husny Thalib, Husny Thalib. Yes, I am just repeating his name to get more google hits. Still, he's an interesting fellow. This time he pulled it back from Stonewall thursday night to Colombian final call which exposed his vocal weaknesses. The judges were very unimpressed. Dicko said it was "the end of the line" for him while Kyle dribbled "you were out of your league". So it's all up to public vote to get him through.

Carl Riseley - "Bye Bye Love" (Everly Brothers)

He does above-average when it come to swing which is his own element. But when faced with any other genre, he's going to do as well as Lisa Mitchell at an enunciation course in Widdleham's School For Proper Ladies. Marcia loves him. She decided to speak her native language of Xhosa at the end of his performance. Mark Holden rambled on - I think he's really lost something today. He was just an embarrassing drunk uncle at Madison Pritchett's Super Sweet Sixteen.

Sarah Lloyd - "Candyman" (Christina Aguilera)

Tammin Sursok's cousin! Sarah was good and bad all at once. She was trying to be too sexy and as Kyle said, there were a lot of holes in her performance. NEVER EVER let the back-up singer sing more than you! All Sarah did was walk around and threw out an "oOHOHohHOOHOHOHOOHH" and whispered "Candyman". She had also planned to bring 50 half-naked sailors on stage but Husny intercepted them before rehearsal. Mark Holden complained that the male judges should have been panting after a performance of Candyman. He's just bitter since if you say Candyman in the mirror 5 times, he appears behind you and gibbers at you in Holdonese.

Dave Andrews - "When Dolphins Cry" (Live)

Poor Dave. He's suffered enough.

Daniel Mifsud - "Lay Your Love On Me" (Roachford)

Daniel wasn't even awake for the first half of his performance. He was quite dull but more competent than the others. I'm completely uninspired to write anything abut him because he just has no dynamic style. Dicko congratulated him for having listened to the judges, Marcia said well done. Mark Holden said he didn't think he was watching the same performance and then he unscrewed his plastic head and a small alien popped out and rigadooned.

Natalie Gouchi - "Feeling Good" (Nina Simone)

Good gouchi!!! We shall reward you with many snacks and cowries post show. She was the best of the night. The judges had luke-warm praise. Marcia's was unsurprising since she hates women performers who rival her.

Mark Da Costa - "Evie" (AC/DC)

He did his usual good rock performance. The judges praised him to death. The real highlight of this performance was...

Mark Holden - Hooray For Bollywood

Mark just cemented his future career as spokesperson for Alzheimers. He started singing "Hooray for Bollywood" for SEVEN STRAIGHT MINUTES while doing worshipping motions at Dicko. Andrew G tried to restrain him but needed help, he called over to James Mathison. Unfortunately, Amelie Poulain had already kidnapped the gnome-y host to take pictures of him in front of famous monuments. Marcia rolled up her sleeves and blew her emergency whistle. Toni Braxton, Shakira and Beyonce appeared behind her in Charlie's Angels formation. Marcia looked at the camera and did some sassy neck movements then everything went black.

To go through to the next round:
Natalie Gouchi + Mark Da Costa + Daniel Mifsud = DEFINITELY
Sarah Lloyd = LIKELY
Husny Thalib = Dark horse

What did you think of tonight's show? Add a comment..

Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , ,



Thursday, August 30, 2007

Jokers Are Wild

Don't feel bad if you missed tonight's Idol. Brianna and Holly made it through. Damien Leith also performed and gave a fairly mild interview. They named the wildcards who are......

Mark's Choices:
Arabic asian Husny Thalib & one dimensional rocker Mark Da Costa
Dicko's Choices:
Scarfing Daniel Mifsud & gag-reel material Dave Andrews
Marcia's Choices:
Hurt Natalie Gouchi & blander than beige Carl Risely
Kyle's Choices:
18 going on 30 Jack Byrnes & if at first you don't succeed Sara Lloyd

Apparently the judges were fighting a lot althout Kyle was the only one who seemed miffed. Or maybe Marcia was miffed that she couldn't add Deni. Otherwise, I was surprised by the lack of Lyall Adonis and even some good and competent like Sally Vander Zwart or Junior Too. Otherwise, Daniel Mifsud? Carl Risely??? Dave Andrews?!?! Good luck.

Otherwise, the google hits are WILD for Husny, though Brianna Carpenter is making up ground fast. So now i'm going to write Husny Thalib Naked Pics Gay Eel Porn and see them skyrocket more.

All your favourite wildcards chosen? Who do you want through? Add a comment...

Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , ,



Sunday, August 26, 2007

Middle Eastern Scarf Mayhem on Idol!

At last, we have bitten into the idol kebab and are getting more than just stale bread. Let the hommus flow.

Matt Corby - "I Wish" (Stevie Wonder)

I missed this performance unfortunately. But it was a Stevie Wonder song so i'm sure i'll see similar performances 7 more times throughout the series. I'm sure he'll get in, he's a very pretty boy.

Junior Too - "Dear Mr. President" (Pink)

Junior interpreted Pink's streamlined letter of sanctimony into a confusing ransom note. I give him props for choosing a more imaginative song but I take those props away when I see his name is Junior. He did sing well and I would prefer him to get in, but his nationality isn't story-worthy enough to merit a reality tv arc. Those nationalities are only Aboriginal, Country Australian, Potato famined Irish and Indonesian.

Daniel Mifsud - "Tip of My Tongue" (Diesel)

A lack of ceiling fans made Daniel's scarf all the more uninteresting. The idea of him spinning by the neck, flailing extremities akimbo, took up most of my imagination during his lifeless performance. He'll probably make it through based on his vestigial scarf... though it's very possible the Idol set isn't heated and those blue lights are actually glacial build-up. Mark Holden said it was underwhelming and Marcia imparted:

Marcia: "If you start at 11 and the meter only goes to 11, where do you go?
Mark: "You go-"
Marcia: "-the meter only goes to 11, Mark!!!"

Carl - "You're My Hope And Prayer" (Michael Buble)

Bring on the harsher driving restrictions for seniors, they don't need to be anywhere else but here when Carl is performing. I can't remember his last name or the song he sang, so I had to make them up. His remorseful number had me sleeping. So far everyone has been quite boring, especially Jacob Butler.

Husny Thalib - "If You Can't Say No" (Lenny Kravitz)

Husny! The ringmaster! Thank god, or satan or whomever's womb he slithered out of. We finally have something a bit different. I can't genuinely decide if I liked his uber-gay performance or not. He dry humps the air and has practised his choreography but I prefer it much more to Daniel Mifsud's meandering around an empty stage. His voice, look and moves are a bit AJ from the Backstreet Boys on a meth-amphetamine sleep deprivation streak - with his little ticks and jolts. Still, it pleases. Kyle said it was too camp, Marcia advised: "you give a bit, bit, bit then explode". And clearly his YMCA fanclub in the front row was exploding throughout his song. Mark said the wink at the end was "patronising for the audience at home". This statement makes me feel confused.

Jacob Butler - "Chasing Cars" (Snow Patrol)

Before his performance, Jacob Butler is seen cowering on the couch slowing soiling and re-soiling himself. We start the montage of his idol journey which is actually a 2 hour documentary of failure and footage of his mother crying. He sings and underwhelms. Dicko calls him "obsessive", Kyle says he gets himself into "a big spin" and you can see Jacob dying on the inside with each jab. Truthfully, he didn't sing badly at all but he's just got a dated style and lacks an edge.

Who I think will get through: Matt Corby, Husny Thalib and..... Carl.

Thoughts on tonight's show? Add a comment...

Labels: , , , , , , , , ,



Sydney SydneySpy Sydney Spy Sydney University