Sydney Spy Classic
Sydney Spy Classic
Sunday, September 02, 2007

Mildcards

Usually the wildcard shows are better than this. It's usually a melange of the performers with more of a dynamic who escaped the chubby fingers of the tweens plodding away at their mobiles.

Jack Byrnes - "Long Train Running" (Doobie Brothers)

Why does Jack Byrnes look so old? He's a teenager. It must be that rhumetism which reaches his extremities while performing judging by his dancing. He performs well, inspite of his toddler-learning-to-walk movement. Ultimately, he does lack an oomph and i'm afraid that, with his dramatic aging rate, he'll be dragging in an intravenous drip if he re-auditions next year.

Husny Thalib - "I Believe" (Blessed Union Of Souls)

Husny Thalib, Husny Thalib, Husny Thalib. Yes, I am just repeating his name to get more google hits. Still, he's an interesting fellow. This time he pulled it back from Stonewall thursday night to Colombian final call which exposed his vocal weaknesses. The judges were very unimpressed. Dicko said it was "the end of the line" for him while Kyle dribbled "you were out of your league". So it's all up to public vote to get him through.

Carl Riseley - "Bye Bye Love" (Everly Brothers)

He does above-average when it come to swing which is his own element. But when faced with any other genre, he's going to do as well as Lisa Mitchell at an enunciation course in Widdleham's School For Proper Ladies. Marcia loves him. She decided to speak her native language of Xhosa at the end of his performance. Mark Holden rambled on - I think he's really lost something today. He was just an embarrassing drunk uncle at Madison Pritchett's Super Sweet Sixteen.

Sarah Lloyd - "Candyman" (Christina Aguilera)

Tammin Sursok's cousin! Sarah was good and bad all at once. She was trying to be too sexy and as Kyle said, there were a lot of holes in her performance. NEVER EVER let the back-up singer sing more than you! All Sarah did was walk around and threw out an "oOHOHohHOOHOHOHOOHH" and whispered "Candyman". She had also planned to bring 50 half-naked sailors on stage but Husny intercepted them before rehearsal. Mark Holden complained that the male judges should have been panting after a performance of Candyman. He's just bitter since if you say Candyman in the mirror 5 times, he appears behind you and gibbers at you in Holdonese.

Dave Andrews - "When Dolphins Cry" (Live)

Poor Dave. He's suffered enough.

Daniel Mifsud - "Lay Your Love On Me" (Roachford)

Daniel wasn't even awake for the first half of his performance. He was quite dull but more competent than the others. I'm completely uninspired to write anything abut him because he just has no dynamic style. Dicko congratulated him for having listened to the judges, Marcia said well done. Mark Holden said he didn't think he was watching the same performance and then he unscrewed his plastic head and a small alien popped out and rigadooned.

Natalie Gouchi - "Feeling Good" (Nina Simone)

Good gouchi!!! We shall reward you with many snacks and cowries post show. She was the best of the night. The judges had luke-warm praise. Marcia's was unsurprising since she hates women performers who rival her.

Mark Da Costa - "Evie" (AC/DC)

He did his usual good rock performance. The judges praised him to death. The real highlight of this performance was...

Mark Holden - Hooray For Bollywood

Mark just cemented his future career as spokesperson for Alzheimers. He started singing "Hooray for Bollywood" for SEVEN STRAIGHT MINUTES while doing worshipping motions at Dicko. Andrew G tried to restrain him but needed help, he called over to James Mathison. Unfortunately, Amelie Poulain had already kidnapped the gnome-y host to take pictures of him in front of famous monuments. Marcia rolled up her sleeves and blew her emergency whistle. Toni Braxton, Shakira and Beyonce appeared behind her in Charlie's Angels formation. Marcia looked at the camera and did some sassy neck movements then everything went black.

To go through to the next round:
Natalie Gouchi + Mark Da Costa + Daniel Mifsud = DEFINITELY
Sarah Lloyd = LIKELY
Husny Thalib = Dark horse

What did you think of tonight's show? Add a comment..

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Thursday, August 30, 2007

Jokers Are Wild

Don't feel bad if you missed tonight's Idol. Brianna and Holly made it through. Damien Leith also performed and gave a fairly mild interview. They named the wildcards who are......

Mark's Choices:
Arabic asian Husny Thalib & one dimensional rocker Mark Da Costa
Dicko's Choices:
Scarfing Daniel Mifsud & gag-reel material Dave Andrews
Marcia's Choices:
Hurt Natalie Gouchi & blander than beige Carl Risely
Kyle's Choices:
18 going on 30 Jack Byrnes & if at first you don't succeed Sara Lloyd

Apparently the judges were fighting a lot althout Kyle was the only one who seemed miffed. Or maybe Marcia was miffed that she couldn't add Deni. Otherwise, I was surprised by the lack of Lyall Adonis and even some good and competent like Sally Vander Zwart or Junior Too. Otherwise, Daniel Mifsud? Carl Risely??? Dave Andrews?!?! Good luck.

Otherwise, the google hits are WILD for Husny, though Brianna Carpenter is making up ground fast. So now i'm going to write Husny Thalib Naked Pics Gay Eel Porn and see them skyrocket more.

All your favourite wildcards chosen? Who do you want through? Add a comment...

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Six Of One.. Plus 5... huh?

The second batch of girls is hot out of the oven, but who will be too hot to handle? Who will stick to the pan? Who will only have half of their dough cooked while the rest is charred?

Sara Lloyd - “I’m Telling You I’m Not Going” (Jennifer Hudson)

Sara gives a breath-taking rendition of this Dreamgirls song… she wasn’t taking our breath… she was taking her own as she gasped for oxygen at the end. Mark Holden’s prosthetic jaw crumbles as he blabbers some gibberish about poor song choice while Marcia says “You cut that” before insinuating that Mark is made of plastic and should have appeared alongside Paris Hilton in 2004’s “House of Wax”… ALL insinuated with one head flip. She sang well, but isn’t very striking and has a Jacobbutleresque loser story line.

Morgan Hosking – “You Learn” (Alanis Morrisette)

She looks like she could bring something to the table, but all that she brungeth was cold potato salad. She copied Alanis’ donkey calls too much in the song. I felt like I was back in high-school.. not my own high school 2 ½ years ago… but my brother’s high school from the mid-nineties. Very mediocre Morgan.

HIGHLIGHT: Her and Andrew doing their happy-happy-joy-joy jig.

Holly Weiner – “I’m Easy” (Stone Temple Pilots)

Dedicated to STD-transporter and best-friend, Jesse Corran, “I’m Easy” was sung very well. Holly was a luminous presence who has a quiet confidence. Her sloppy diction didn’t smear the song too far off the page and onto the bare table of Morgan Hosking and her pitiful potato salad. Plus she’s a handsome woman. The judges loved her.

Madison Pritchett – “When You’re Gone” (Avril Lavigne)

Screechy, unpleasant and hollow. She looks like she tail-chastised that horse in her video package and wore it on her head for good luck. Dicko said that he couldn’t figure out how to market her since she’s a little girl who acts like a little woman. And I don’t think he was referring to one of those Maury Pauvich little people.

Marcia quote of the week: “You belong to the Australian public now”… let’s do an autopsy on her :D

Brianna Carpenter – “Fidelity” (Regina Spektor)

Her gamine mode de “Le fableux destin d’Amelie Poulain” was superb and tout ce qu’il faut comprendre dans cette phrase, c’est TDK eyes. She flirted with the stage using sulky stares, backwards shuffling and the giant red buttons on her smock. It was overall a refreshing piercing stab amid the prior bludgeonings. Mark put on a stripy Dr. Seuss hat and said it was “kooky, quirky, perky”. Her comment to Kyle was the real vital-organ maiming.

Kyle: I don’t admit to understanding what you do
TDK Carpenter: Well, I didn’t expect you do…
Marcia: Oh no you DI-ENT (Marcia pulls out boombox blasting: I never knew there was a .. love like this before" ) Marcia ba dunk-a-dunks.

Well done Brianna Carpenter…

Rosie Ribbons – “Everybody Hurts” (REM)

I expected more from Rosie Ribbons. She was as stale as that despondent potato salad at a Morgan Hosking picnic. I scrawled “boring vibe” on my notes but reading it back it looks like “bony vibe”. She had potential, but she can’t choose such a droning song which doesn’t work for idol. Then I got a phone call, so the rest of the time she sounded like a person talking into my right ear out of sync with her own lip movements.

To go through: Well I’m 5/6 so far… but this I time I’ll say Holly Weiner and Brianna Carpenter. MAYBE Sara Lloyd.

Brianna: freak or genius? Add a comment...

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