Sydney Spy Classic
Sydney Spy Classic
Sunday, September 09, 2007

Australian Idol - Top 12

What was this assorted bag of amateurs and karaoke we experienced tonight?

Ben McKenzie - "Sunday Morning" (Maroon 5)

Ben started the chain held together by weakest links. It was weak and unimpressive. The judges say he's wonderful, Mark Holden saying he was very comfortable on stage considering he's 16. I agree, that it's an achievement to be able to do this at 16, but I make no allowances... we're at Lisa Mitchell stage now... no time for dead weight.

Mark Da Costa - "Vertigo" (U2)

Mark and his bavarian mullet jumped around on stage like he had pins and needles in his overbelted pants. He is compotent but wrong for idol. I like his big energy on stage. The judges said he needed to be more intense although he was already scuffing up the stage with his sliding and stomping. Maybe the audience had a great time but I felt cold and sad and he didn't even care.

Lana Krost - "Shiver" (Natalie Imbruglia)

As soon as I heard she would do Shiver, I was worried for her. It's the most un-idol song since Morning Musume's Chokkan 2 ~Nogashita Sakana wa Okiizo!~ . Her voice is too pure and her doe-eyed chasteness is better suited for that Phil Collins song about homeless people or that Luka song about child abuse.

Daniel Mifsud - "Cry Me A River" (Justin Timberlake)

I won't even start on his opening montage of how many scarves he owns... I've already sent the PFLAG brochure to his parents. It was a bizarrely spastic arrangement with gaping voids of blank staring while Daniel fixed his hair in the monitor. Though snaps for trying something a bit different. Marcia said "A LITTLE JIMMY T GOES A LONG WAY" *snap* *snap* *snap*

Carl Riseley - "Waltzing Matilda"

The beginning wasn't bad but by the end I'm convinced the "navy" he worked for was actually a "cruise ship". His voice has a bit more resonance than the other so far, but sometimes he sounds incredibly average. Marcia says "I thought 'cool' "

Holly Weiner - "Standing In The Way Of Control" (The Gossip)

Whoa?!!? Holly steps out of the 80s portal which is the flashing Idol screen. She doesn't quite have the rock growl, she doesn't quite have the lesbian edge.. but she has something. I'll need to inspect her further but she was definitely the most striking performance so far. Kyle said she was Patty Newton on crack and Mark Holden broke a hip.

Matt Corby - "Coldplay Song"

It started of alright, but then I realised I was still listening to my MD playing a recording of own voice reciting the poetry of Sylvia Plath. Matt Corby's depth is as thin as Karen Carpenter and he should donate some of his hair to Kyle to cover up that hairline which seems to be receeding rapildy away from his glass eyes. Top 3.

Jacob Butler - "When We Were Young"

First of all, I loved the montage of Jacob going back to Adelaide to see his parents. His mum said "you didn't need to come here!". Good kitten. Jacob Butler slithers on stage, already perspirating failure sweat. Yet surprisingly, he wasn't the huge disappointment we all expected. He was ok yet he still lacks X-factor ever since he came 8th on the 2005 series. Mark Holden loses control of his bladder. Dicko was impressed.

Tarisai Vuche - "If I Was Your Woman" (Alicia Keys)

Tarisai the talented pygmy! She was wonderful, I thought I was watching American Idol for a second.. in which big voices are desired and "country battler" back stories are only a close second. Although I don't know who has suffered more than the Zimbabwe people, though I think Jacob Butler's constant chubby failure answers that question. Surprisingly, the judges were a bit harsh with her. They said she was pitchy and tame etc. while the others get allowances for being nervous or young? Very unfair.

Marty Simpson - "Cant Stand Losing You" (The Police)

I like voice but this was a bit all over the place. Plus when he speaks he has a flaring quality which distorts my TV's sound.

Marcia said "You did OK" which is EXTREMELY cruel for Marcia!

Brianna Carpenter - "God Only Knows" (Beach Boys/David Bowie)

TDK eyes ignite! I know she was off-pitch at times and she's shits me to tears but her asymmetric fringe is enough for me to vote for her. She's different in a creepy Playschool way. She won't win but she's not meant to. The judges told her to watch her pitch.

My favourite: Tarisai Vuche
Most improved: Jacob Butler
Fairest of them all: Daniel Mifsud
Bottom 3: Marty Simpson, Lana Krost & Ben McKenzie
Gone: Marty Simpson

What did you think? Who's going home? Add a comment...

Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , ,



Thursday, August 30, 2007

Jokers Are Wild

Don't feel bad if you missed tonight's Idol. Brianna and Holly made it through. Damien Leith also performed and gave a fairly mild interview. They named the wildcards who are......

Mark's Choices:
Arabic asian Husny Thalib & one dimensional rocker Mark Da Costa
Dicko's Choices:
Scarfing Daniel Mifsud & gag-reel material Dave Andrews
Marcia's Choices:
Hurt Natalie Gouchi & blander than beige Carl Risely
Kyle's Choices:
18 going on 30 Jack Byrnes & if at first you don't succeed Sara Lloyd

Apparently the judges were fighting a lot althout Kyle was the only one who seemed miffed. Or maybe Marcia was miffed that she couldn't add Deni. Otherwise, I was surprised by the lack of Lyall Adonis and even some good and competent like Sally Vander Zwart or Junior Too. Otherwise, Daniel Mifsud? Carl Risely??? Dave Andrews?!?! Good luck.

Otherwise, the google hits are WILD for Husny, though Brianna Carpenter is making up ground fast. So now i'm going to write Husny Thalib Naked Pics Gay Eel Porn and see them skyrocket more.

All your favourite wildcards chosen? Who do you want through? Add a comment...

Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , ,





Six Of One.. Plus 5... huh?

The second batch of girls is hot out of the oven, but who will be too hot to handle? Who will stick to the pan? Who will only have half of their dough cooked while the rest is charred?

Sara Lloyd - “I’m Telling You I’m Not Going” (Jennifer Hudson)

Sara gives a breath-taking rendition of this Dreamgirls song… she wasn’t taking our breath… she was taking her own as she gasped for oxygen at the end. Mark Holden’s prosthetic jaw crumbles as he blabbers some gibberish about poor song choice while Marcia says “You cut that” before insinuating that Mark is made of plastic and should have appeared alongside Paris Hilton in 2004’s “House of Wax”… ALL insinuated with one head flip. She sang well, but isn’t very striking and has a Jacobbutleresque loser story line.

Morgan Hosking – “You Learn” (Alanis Morrisette)

She looks like she could bring something to the table, but all that she brungeth was cold potato salad. She copied Alanis’ donkey calls too much in the song. I felt like I was back in high-school.. not my own high school 2 ½ years ago… but my brother’s high school from the mid-nineties. Very mediocre Morgan.

HIGHLIGHT: Her and Andrew doing their happy-happy-joy-joy jig.

Holly Weiner – “I’m Easy” (Stone Temple Pilots)

Dedicated to STD-transporter and best-friend, Jesse Corran, “I’m Easy” was sung very well. Holly was a luminous presence who has a quiet confidence. Her sloppy diction didn’t smear the song too far off the page and onto the bare table of Morgan Hosking and her pitiful potato salad. Plus she’s a handsome woman. The judges loved her.

Madison Pritchett – “When You’re Gone” (Avril Lavigne)

Screechy, unpleasant and hollow. She looks like she tail-chastised that horse in her video package and wore it on her head for good luck. Dicko said that he couldn’t figure out how to market her since she’s a little girl who acts like a little woman. And I don’t think he was referring to one of those Maury Pauvich little people.

Marcia quote of the week: “You belong to the Australian public now”… let’s do an autopsy on her :D

Brianna Carpenter – “Fidelity” (Regina Spektor)

Her gamine mode de “Le fableux destin d’Amelie Poulain” was superb and tout ce qu’il faut comprendre dans cette phrase, c’est TDK eyes. She flirted with the stage using sulky stares, backwards shuffling and the giant red buttons on her smock. It was overall a refreshing piercing stab amid the prior bludgeonings. Mark put on a stripy Dr. Seuss hat and said it was “kooky, quirky, perky”. Her comment to Kyle was the real vital-organ maiming.

Kyle: I don’t admit to understanding what you do
TDK Carpenter: Well, I didn’t expect you do…
Marcia: Oh no you DI-ENT (Marcia pulls out boombox blasting: I never knew there was a .. love like this before" ) Marcia ba dunk-a-dunks.

Well done Brianna Carpenter…

Rosie Ribbons – “Everybody Hurts” (REM)

I expected more from Rosie Ribbons. She was as stale as that despondent potato salad at a Morgan Hosking picnic. I scrawled “boring vibe” on my notes but reading it back it looks like “bony vibe”. She had potential, but she can’t choose such a droning song which doesn’t work for idol. Then I got a phone call, so the rest of the time she sounded like a person talking into my right ear out of sync with her own lip movements.

To go through: Well I’m 5/6 so far… but this I time I’ll say Holly Weiner and Brianna Carpenter. MAYBE Sara Lloyd.

Brianna: freak or genius? Add a comment...

Labels: , , , , , , , ,



Sydney SydneySpy Sydney Spy Sydney University